Archive | October, 2013

Musings from a hospital bed

2 Oct

I spent an interesting 24 in the local hospital bed and here are some of the thousands of thoughts that flowed through my mind.

– My gown has no ties. Not even in the back. Good thing I’ve been getting my yoga on lately.
– In what alternate universe in this a pillow? It feels like someone wrapped the Sunday paper in polyester blend.
– How can they leave me in this room, an ER patient, for 7 hours without checking in on me?
– Thank God for the awesome fire fighter/paramedic who made me feel safe.  He told me “You’ll get through this. TRUST ME, everything will okay.”  And I did. And it was.
– There is a well dressed 16 yr old girl admitted for slitting her wrists and she is out of her mind on drugs. I hope that one day she’ll realize that God has loved her completely, her entire life, even now as she is making a mess out of it. Also, I am moving my children to the wilderness commune.
– I miss the smell of my husband’s deodorant, gotta love Old Spice.
– I hope my kids are not worried about me. Ahhh, who am I kidding….. They are probably loving their one-on-one time with their Daddy.
– If this lady misses my veins ONE MORE TIME!!!!
– Hospital food is truly the worst food on the planet. I’d rather be eating an MRE.
– It is ironic that there is a tv in front of me, I would love to watch anything other than soap operas and QVC.
– The old lady next to me is going to die alone, waiting for the nurse to come.
– Nope she’s fine, now she’s just complaining that they forgot her pudding.
– How can they call this FOOD????
– I need to get a blanket warmer at home. So far, the best thing about being in the hospital is the unending supply of warmed blankets.
– why do NONE of the doctors look like the ones on Grey’s Anatomy?
– I wish I had shaved my legs.
– My husband is a ROCK STAR.
– My kids are the most beautiful creatures on earth.

– I wish my Mom were here.
– I have the awesomest girlfriends on the planet.
– Sometimes facebook is the coolest thing ever, all the well wishes I received actually made me feel better.
– Joanna is a goddess, must repay her kindness.
– My Italian friends have “emergency” meals in their freezers. They are geniuses.
– My husband is a ROCK STAR.
– I really wish this lady would quit complaining about the STUPID PUDDING.
– Maybe if she’s not complaining then she’s dead, so I take that back. Please don’t die in the bed next to me.
– A cheery nurse makes all the difference in the world. A bitchy one better watch her back.
– You said you needed HOW many vials of blood?
– I heard them say “Code Blue” over the loudspeaker, must google what code blue means
– I would kill for a toothbrush right now.
– They have these neat-o shower caps that you place on your head to wash your hair. They’re filled with dry shampoo, so you just place them on your noggin and rub for two mins. So Cool!!!!
– My arms look like that of a heroine addict’s.
– It makes me VERY uneasy when the Dr. seems stumped
– OMG, I am so grateful I haven’t had to spend much time here, I have family that has been in and out of the hospital, and I now I reallllly know how much it sucks!
– Have my kids always been so beautiful? Have they always been so sweet? Answers: Yes and No (maybe 50%)
– I’m going to do TWO blog posts this month to make up for missing my deadline in August.
– Should I make a bucket list?
– I am so glad I got the window view, beautiful sunsets and the American Flag right outside my window.
– Need to call all my friends and tell them how much I appreciate them.
– God, when did my husband get so sexy??? Or, why have I forgotten that he’s always been sexy?

– This food!! There are no words……. Well, let me try: disgusting, revolting, tasteless, bland, regurgitating, dry, unpalatable, insipid….
– Just saw some footage on Syria, better eat every last bite.
– I wonder what kind of gov’t my kids will inherit?
– My kids, they’re awesome! Danny told EVERYONE on the fifth floor that my booty was showing! Would have been hilarious if it hadn’t have been happening to me.


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