A Lie for a Smile or the Truth for a Tear
I saw this quote somewhere, and it hit me. Freight train style. It reinforces what we all know, sometimes the truth hurts. But rarely do I consider the flip side of that quote which implies that lies, or omission of the truth can elicit harmony. In order to live in blissful ignorance, someone around you has made the choice to not share the truth.
Wellllllll, I’m not that someone.
Right or wrong, I’m really all about telling the truth. And let me be VERY clear on one thing, “the truth will set you free” – from friends that is. And family. Its like this weird phenomena. Telling the truth can make people very angry. “Speak the truth in love” is easy to do, unless you’re a meanie head. (sometimes I can be, ask my kid.) But RECEIVE the truth in love, now that’s HARD!! And that can lead to conflict because no matter what your intentions are, the person receiving the truth has a choice to make : do they hate you OR hate the truth your telling? Do they give you the benefit of the doubt and handle the truth? Or do they blame you and ignore the truth? I have been on both sides of the truth and it is hard no matter what. It takes bravery to tell the truth, and courage to accept it. Speaking or receiving, telling or omitting, the truth is hard.
Here are some truths that’ve been on my mind lately.
1. The truth about Marriage. It kinda sucks. It’s also kinda wonderful. But it’s really close to being 50/50. Now, I can’t get into the argument of whether monogamy is natural or not, because I’m not science-y-ish and have no clue. But here’s what I do know. Jesus didn’t get married and let’s face it, the man died like THE MOST PAINFUL DEATH EVER, so he wasn’t a wimp, but he chose NOT to get married. Sooooooo. Yeah. (I know what my Christian friends are going to say that he was “married” to the Church. Yes. Okay. But can we say that being married to an entity, that’s made up of millions and being married to ONE person is kinda different?? Just a little?) Stephen Hawking, the smartest man EVER, been married twice. Mother Teresa, lived in poverty, and chose to be married to God, and He doesn’t leave his crusty-sweaty-gross socks on the floor. All three completely different. All three either avoided marriage like the plague or failed at it.
So my point is, marriage is HARD. And I’m super mad at Disney for tricking me into thinking that it was going to be “happily ever after.” Like Sleeping Beauty whose been snoozing for decades wants to wake up and marry the first dude who pays attention to her, and boom – happily ever after. Like Ariel, WHO IS 16!!!!!, pisses her dad off, marries the wrong SPECIES, and boom-happily ever after. Jasmine, rich girl marries poor dude. Need I say more?
So let’s cut the crap people. Marriage is super fun while you’re engaged and up all night talking, and vacationing, and holding your new baby. But in between all that fun stuff, it’s really freaking hard. And people get divorced because it’s super freaking hard to deal with THE SAME PERSON AND THEIR SAME CRAP day in and day out. So yes, I AM on marriage número dos. And so is my husband. I’ve learned a lot in the meantime about “togetherness” and “working through things” and praying “for your marriage” and all that STUFF that is supposed to help. And it still sucks sometimes. And it IS still wonderful. But it IS still 50/50. 60/40? Maybe 70/30?
2. The truth about Parenting. IT Sucks. My kids don’t suck, they’re the bomb diggity. But freaking RAISING them!!!!!? EVERY DAMN DAY!!!??? My son has Autism -parenting that everyday can suck. My daughter has Stubbornism – parenting that can suck. And then to top it all off, everyone is in competition with each other!!! It’s enough to pull your hair out! On Facebook the other day there was this quirky little ecard about something new called “Attachment Parenting.” I don’t know what the hell that is, so I’m pretty sure I wasn’t in that club. Does that mean I’m an UN-attached Parent? What the heck people?? I’ve been a stay at home MOM for 5 years, and it was FREAKING hard. Then I went back to school, and it was freaking hard. Then I went and started a business and parenting during that is hard.
So listen. Let’s start telling the truth. Parenting is hard. Whatever CLUB you’re in, doesn’t make it easier. Or better. You breast or bottle feed, not because it’s better but because you WANT TO! You work or stay at home, not because it’s better, but because you WANT TO! So knock it if off with the, “because I believe it’s the “”best”” for my child” bull-crap. You do what you want to, because you want to, but that doesn’t make it better. Parents have this crazy perception that their way is the only way, that is the best way, that their kids will come out better because of alllllll the, “better” work that they put into their kids. You forget. Your kid, is a person. You are in charge of that person, for now. You are in charge of the inputs for the child, for now. But then someday, your child isn’t a child, and all the great or terrible decisions they make are because THEY want to, not because you breastfed or bottle fed, plastic or cloth diapered them, were an “attached” (what does that mean anyway?!) or un-attached parented.
3. Truth to self. “Why are these women so mean to me?! I’m such a nice person!” Wellllllllllllll, no. No you aren’t. You are a narcissist. Everything that happens in this world isn’t happening to you, for you, because of you. The reason why woman after woman, has ended their friendship with you is not because THEY have a problem, it’s because YOU have a problem – a big one. Telling the truth-to yourself. Looking in the mirror. Analyzing the log in your eye. Everyone has their faults, and the sooner your own up to yours, the easier life gets. Being truthful about your flaws enables you to unglue your butt from the saddle on that HIGH horse. So C’mon, join the rest of us commoners. Like me. I’m bossy. I’m SUPER stubborn. Materialistic. I get annoyed very easily. I’m huffy. I am MRS.NOT.SO.PERFECT. I am a little but crazy, and depending on the situation possibly MOSTLY crazy. I’m like 30% percent crazy most of the time, and like 51% in the following scenarios: waiting in line, 5:45am any day of the week, when the web server for my business looses my web content, when people honk at me for no good reason, protecting my kids, when I smell a weird smell, when my kids destroy my closet (aka my happy place), when that super cute style doesn’t come in my size, when my husband goes on a trip out do something that I really want to do and I have to stuck at home with the kids, people in BMWs that drive past my kids playing- driving like 101010101010 mph, etc. I can say these things because I do self evaluations, and I feel that it is my responsibility to protect others from me.
Now, be cautious with the self reflections. I recommend doing this, so you can check yourself, but don’t you wreck yourself. Meaning, wake the hell up and realize that you SUCK sometimes. You aren’t perfect. But don’t go and do this so that you’re feeling sorry for yourself, then we’re back to square one. I recommend self-analysis for the sole purpose of being an authentic friend and human being. So that people can come to you and tell you what they suck at, because you can be honest with them about what you need to work on. It helps.
Reader, I am curious what you think. How do you handle the truth? Write some of your personal truths down in the comments sections.
“You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” — Obi-Wan Kenobi
“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world…would do this, it would change the earth.” – William Faulkner
“If we are not ashamed to think it, we should not be ashamed to say it.” – Cicero
“Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy.” Unknown
mrs.not.so.perfect 