(Warning, this could post could offend you. WARNING, you might disagree. WARNING, I’m a teensy bit FIRED UP, I’ve had one of my hubby famous margaritas, and my default emotion is sarcasm with a side bluntness!!)
It’s April. And it’s ASD awareness month, so let me drop a little “awareness” on you.
This kid.
This kid, who has my eyes, his Daddy face and a smile all his own.
This handsome, funny, and tender-hearted kid has
AUTISM.
Don’t feel sorry for us, he’s awesome. In fact, your pity, really offends me. You WISH you were as cool as my kid! So take your pity and your “sympathy” and shove it! Yes, I get a little aggressive when it comes to my kid. If you have kids, you’ll understand. (And if you don’t have kids, imagine a little mini-you combined with a little mini version of the person you’re in love with, and then make them innocent. Make them need you in the way that grass needs water. Make them so profoundly amazing that it’ll bring you closer to God. Make the thought of someone hurting that little mini-you, send you into a rage that is BIBLICAL. Like raining fire and brimstone. Oh, you just stepped on his toe? Sorry about the whole brimstone stuff. I’ve been known to overreact.)
If you don’t know how to act when you’re around us, I am here to help you become “aware.” I didn’t accidentally name my blog, “Mrs.Not.So.Perfect.” I am the FARTHEST thing from perfect, and you can’t be my friend if you are perfect. So here is a list of things NOT to do, because it’s WAAY beyond me to tell anyone how they SHOULD act. LOL.
I’m not bossy, I am “aggressively HELPFUL!” ( Thanks JB.)
So if you see me and my kiddo out at the park, here’s a list of things NOT TO DO, or else you’ll know without a shadow of a doubt, that I am punching you in the face… mentally that is.
1. When you find out he has ASD, say something like, “Really? I don’t see it!”
Are you a Neurologist? Are you in ANY WAY qualified to say what makes a kid have ASD or not? I don’t care if you are a therapist (qualified for therapy), a teacher (qualified for teaching), a mother/father of 25 children (qualified for the loony bin or the medal of honor), a scientist (debatable what you could be qualified as), a grandparent (qualified for spoiling) or a preacher (qualified for spiritual support). Unless you are QUALIFIED to diagnosis my kid, don’t question me. I prayed for months, asking for the ASD signs to go away and they didn’t. Then I woke up one day and realized that he was still awesome. He was still everything I ever dreamed of and hoped for. And most importantly, he was still the child God gave me to raise up and help become a wonderful man. Maybe you meant to flatter me, but you’re not. Because I know, you don’t know jack about it when you say something like that.
2. Talk to me about people who have “healed” their kids.
You can’t CURE ASD. Not yet. When most research doesn’t indicate what causes it, how can there possibly be a cure? You can teach coping skills, social tools, communication skills and reduce behaviors, but if you “know of someone-who knows someone-who’s child has ASD”, that went off gluten and is SURPRISE!!!!! 100 % CURED, chances are they had gluten allergies. Show me something published by someone REPUTABLE, not an ex-playboy bunny who got airtime on Oprah, then had to come on again to apologize for starting a movement that was based on crap.
3. Talk to my kid like he’s stupid.
He’s not stupid. In fact, he’s probably smarter than you. He might not look you in the eyes or communicate with you the way you’d like him to. In fact, you might not even be sure that he’s heard you, because he’s covering his ears. But chances are, when we get home, he’ll repeat word for word what you said, in the bathtub while he’s pretending to be an alligator. 
4. Be a school that tells me what my kid CAN or CANNOT DO.
Here’s the thing. You don’t know. So just TEACH him please. He might frustrate you, he might disrupt your classroom, but he’s IN THE “Special” kid program for a REASON!!! He’s tough, you don’t have to tell me. One minute, he’s got you walking on cloud nine because he said that he thinks you’re, “PERFECT” and another minute, you’re having to take yoga breaths because he starting screaming nonstop. But my kid CAN be taught and he CAN learn, just don’t give up on him. Help me help you. Tell me what is going on at school so we can work on it at home. Of course there are some instances where you are just going to have to PROVE yourself to my son. Today in car line, the substitute teacher said he had a H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E (she spelled it out) day and needed a talking to. What happened? Did he bite someone? Did he scream until he made OTHER kids throw up? Did he take off on you in the lunch room and made you chase him like a greyhound after the electric bunny?
Nope. He saw a puddle and jumped in it.
Seriously? Seriously??????? Geez Lady. You are in the wrong classroom if that is what a horrible day looks like.
5. Undermine our routine.
Do you have pictures of a cartoon character brushing his teeth, his hair, going potty and getting dressed on a laminated schedule on your wall? Well, I do. Routine makes and breaks us around here. It is one of the ONLY ways my son copes with the torrential amount of information forcing its way into his little brain. Respect the routine. You aren’t doing him any favors by letting him stay up late, he’ll be miserable in the morning because he ALWAYS wakes up at the same time. You aren’t being nice by letting him play cars instead of reading two books before bed, he’ll wake up at 3am screaming that he didn’t get his books.
Routine. We need it. Respect or die. (just kidding on the death part.)
6. Act like ASD is a death sentence.
Autism is hard to deal with, hard to parent, and even harder to understand. Some parents have children whose ASD symptoms are so severe that getting through each day is a miracle. Some kids have ASD and seem pretty normal, until you mess up their routine, or try to feed them anything that’s not crunchy, or talk too loud, or wash their sheets in a different laundry detergent, or tell them no, or so on. But as far ASD in the scheme of terrible things that can be wrong with your child, it’s not the end all. So DON’T gasp in horror. DON’T shield your child from my child like they can catch it like a cold. DON’T ignore your child if they have several signs and symptoms, because you’re afraid of a label. DON’T pigeon-hole him. DON’T force your idea of what he should be doing on him. DON’T act like my kid is less than. DON’T say that we did something to cause this. DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR US! We have love, we have a purpose, and we have support. DON’T tell me he needs medication, DON’T tell me he doesn’t.
***************************DON’T tell me that ASD is the trendy excuse for badly behaved kids-I might ACTUALLY punch you then. HARD. IN THE FACE.*******************************
Here are somethings you can do (I’m totally contradicting myself when I said I wouldn’t do this, I know.):
Pray for my family.
Send me info on doctors, support groups, lectures, programs, therapists, or services you’ve heard are good.
If you’ve come across some research or articles written by someone notable and reputable, send them to me. I am an animal when it comes to reading up on new developments!
If you see my kid doing good. TELL HIM! If you see my kid messing up, tell ME!
Pray for my family.
Respect that we are struggling. Everyday.
Say something like this:”Thinking of you and totally understand. Call me if you want to talk about anything – OK? Danny is going to do great and he is going to be every bit of the amazing, wonderful boy you always knew he would be.” A woman whom I had met for 20 mins, whose son also has ASD said this to me on Facebook. Thank you Jen M. I cried like a baby when I read that because it was the only thing anyone had said that seemed REAL. Thank you so VERY VERY VERY much. I hope that I can say the EXACT right thing to someone someday, and it will totally lift their spirits, like your words did for me. Thanks so much.
Here is our Autism:
mrs.not.so.perfect 